Lost in Shanghai

I am wondering how many people actually know what they really want. In this world, people make crazy decisions because they are lost. My friends asked me what I want, I...hum...I want... I don't really know. So, I became one of those, or maybe I am always one of the lost ones.

Keep yourself focus on your final goal. Sure, I am so familiar with the lecture. Of coz I know what my ultimate goal is. It's a sweet end, a family, a family I build with my beloved. I am just confused about the path how I am gonna get there. The thing which is the most important to me, what I expect the most, I couldn't help to work on it alone.

Eliminate what you don't want. I always told my friends I might still don't know what I want, but at least i know what I don't want. Recently I asked myself, what you really don't want? I don't want confusions, I don't want complications. I don't want to be tripped by something or someone, I don't want negative influences. I don't want to be the one-side lover, I don't want to waste my time and youth. Does is help figuring out what I want? I found these two perspectives are quite irrelevant. What you want might not be at the direct opposite side of what you don't want.

And Shanghai, the fast changing city. Different people come and go passing by here, passing by you. The relations are complicated between people and people. It easily get you confused and lost. One of my friends said Shanghai eats lost souls. I don't know what exactly what it means, but kinda feel right. Too many things are going on here. You get curious, you want to know more, you have been sucked into that black whole. Oh, there is no damn easy way to get out. The more you straggle to get yourself out, the more you sink into it. Make you even more confused...

It might be the price for growing up, you need to forgo many things, temptations. Sometime it's painful. And you never know if it's the best you can possibly do or not. And there is no way back. I miss the time you can just go with the flow, enjoy everything you are doing right now and don't give a fucking damn. Maybe I gave myself too much pressure. I think too much about the things which out of my control.

So, head up and keep the faith. Enjoy the moment. Live like everyday is the end of world.