Belly Button Piercing

I don't know where I got the courage to get my belly button pireced yesterday. Maybe because of another boring day? I found I always do dumb or strange things or whatever you call to myself. Lip piercing, tattoos... my mum said I am still a brat.

However, I do think I am getting more and more mature. I might be still figuring out what I really really want for life, but I do know what I don't want at the moment. And I am trying my best to avoid to get involved with it. Of coz, sometime I would still get confused. But deep inside I believe I know what it is.

Well, I guess I am still a little bit indulging myself lately. I did things just because I felt like doing, and never overlooked the consequences. These consequences had been evaluated actually, but the result was they are insignificant for the moment.

For the moment, what count are my work and enjoying my life. I don't have time for complications and bullshit. But I would never be against having a relationship, once a simple sweet relationship comes, I would never say no. But still, freedom is the goal of my life. Come and accept the truely ME.

What is the purpose of writing blogs

Since I got my “Secret Notebook”, I had stopped writing blogs for a while. It is the notebook I carry everyday to record every feeling I have at the moment. It’s not like any diary or article. It’s just combining lines of words.

Few things happened these days, but I was not sure if i would like to share it here on the internet. Human always have the problem that think themselves are more important than what they are actually.

Probably nobody cares what I am doing or what I am thinking, I just put those stories for nothing. For venting my emotions? The small notebook is doing just fine… I think I am going to stop doing the blog thing till I find a good topic to share with everyone.

Maybe I should start recording the Animal Lab Diary. It’s interesting for most of the people I guess. At least to me it’s interesting. Is there anyone want to know more about these kind of stuff? With vivid pictures? Nice?

Confusing

I think i am not talented to express what is in my head. I am amazed by the movie makers or book writers who can picture their thoughts with a story or thousands of words and make people understand what they are believing. First of all they should know what they are thinking, not like me, get confused again. I guess I get confused quite often, because I have too much time to do nothing. It leads me to be paranoid.

Human are so complicated. I guess not so many people know what they want and what they really want. For somebody it could take life time to find the answer. I thought I wanted to work before, but recently as the on-board date coming closer, the more I feel I am quite happy that staying at home and do whatever I want to do. I finally would start working soon, and now these my last-freedom days seem to be so precious. Life would have another big change. People are all afraid of changes, more or less. Maybe that’s why I have been nervous lately.

My friends say it’s normal to feel this way after two back-to-school years. I just don’t want to change too much of the way I am living right now. I love it. The job that UK company offered me was home-based. It could be awesome. But it pissed my parents off. They didn’t understand what kind of company would not even give you an office… anyway, that case has closed already. I hope after few regular working days everything would be ok…

I will start on 12th Jan officially. So there is still about one week to enjoy my jobless free life! Party from Wednesday to Saturday for the last damn time!

New Year in Beijing

We were saying that we are two crazy girls party from Shanghai to Beijing on the way from Beijing airport to the city. I had been to Beijing several times 2 or 3 years ago, but those were all for work. I've been told that the night life in Beijing could be better than Shanghai. Well, not better but very different and very fun. We were very excited to experience that. We didn’t actually have any friend there but some freaking "time wasters". Even though we didn’t book the hotel. We planned to party all night and look for the place to stay in the next morning. Yeah, that was a big night, hehe... We finally end up at V's friend's place, not too bad though. I was way too tired to be picky. And the rest of few days were the same, except we moved to a nice cozy hotel, but basically we kept the schedule which was sleeping in the day and going out at night.

Sometime when I saw my friends party picture I would kinda feel jealous . I would feel that my life was not that colorful like theirs or I had been left out of those parties and so on. I don't usually take lots of pictures when I go out. I even hate the flash lights in the clubs or bars. But I know my life is great. I enjoy it so much. I am a lucky girl you know. This trip to Beijing almost get fucked up at the first night right after when we get there... long story though. It had the history behind it. But somehow everything sorted out and even turned to great.

I found it's good for me to go out of Shanghai sometime. Traveling has the meaning of it I guess. Going to somewhere you are not familiar with, somewhere nobody knows you, somewhere you know whatever you did would leave where it is... it feels free and ....free. I never thought about this point before. I thought traveling is all about going to a new place, visiting some wired things, talking to some different people, having some local cuisine. Now I realized, nah nah, that's not all it about.

However, we were as excited as when we went to Beijing when we were on the plane to come back to Shanghai. Hehe... human are complicated. Here is the video clip of the new year eve party in Beijing. Music was great. We danced like we never danced before. If it was not our shoes killing us, we must be the last ones to leave that freaking place . BTW, don't try to find me in the video, we were at very back.

Motivation

Everything is possible in this world nowadays. What makes the difference is the motivation. For someone who knows the reason why he is doing this or someone who doesn't know, the results would be totally different.

I am not kinda people who want to be the top in the company. I would never have financial problem. I kinda have everything I would probably need. I thought work was just an activity to spend sometime and get social contacts. Maybe sometime you get some satisfaction from a challenge, it would make you feel good. That was all work about to me before. So I stayed a place I felt comfortable, avoid to make mistake. That's it.

Even for now, I still don't think I would give more of my own time to work to get to the top or whatever. It wouldn't never be my priority. Then, what is the motivation for me to work hard? My parents are afraid that I would still not be committed enough to the job. I also thought about this question. As I promised the boss, YES, I am gonna do my best, boss!, did I really mean it?

After few days thinking, it seems I got a breakthrough. My ultimate life objective is To Be Free. It means I would always have choices, free to choose the things I am willing to do, choose the way of life I believe.

To achieve that, the very first step is to be independent. Job can help me with that. I get my own salary and my own saving, I would have the right to spend it on whatever I want. I wouldn't need to convince my parents the money would spend on good use any more, and I wouldn't need to bear the kinda crap such as oh, you should be careful with money, we have to save some to change your car, for your wedding, for your kids, blah blah. I think my parents would be happy to see that I can make my own life.

I don't understand how come those girls think to hook up with some rich men would bring them happiness. Well, I am not judging anyone here or demonstrate myself. There is nothing wrong having a hope of a nice easy life. If your boyfriend happened to be rich AND NICE, then you are a lucky girl. If the guy was your boyfriend because he was rich....hum...that's really bad.

Anyway, thinking about others money is bad. First, money can't buy happiness. After you had everything, then your needs would upgrade as well, and money would get nothing to do with that. Second, for example, if you want to go to UK <---that's me, I mean I want to go to UK :-) , and he wanted to go to Thailand...then how? If I were that guy, I would probably not to say but think, WTF, I am the one pay for everything why I couldn't even go to the place I want to go? If the guy finally went to UK with that girl, he sucks, haha. If they went to Thailand, the girl sucks! Anyhow, it sucks! Look, independence is very important. Maybe now some girls haven't reach that point to understand, because Thailand and UK make not difference for them. hehe...sorry, I have been mean.

Ok, let's go back to 'working is for my ultimate freedom'. One of my friends argued, if you work, then you are not able to be totally free. Sometime you have to do something you don't want to do. You have to listen the same bullshit you don't want to listen. True, we never live in a black-and-white world. Somehow you have to make the compromise somewhere. But it still not against the theory of work-for-freedom. I work hard, learn from it, improve myself. Till the time if everything piss me off, till I couldn't take it anymore, I could say f*ck off and quit. I don't need to suffer because I don't have any other choices. So, I shouldn't worry about how committed I would be this time. I know how to make it work.

I can feel 2009 is a very good year for me. I am so excited about the new year to arrive. I don't know where the spirit come from, but I feel it! God Bless me! and all of us!